Sitting here at the Langham hotel..waiting for pops to get ready so we can have a great night of yummy japanese...Heading to nobu for dinner...from all the feedback I don't think I have high expectations so I hope I'll be pleasantly surprised. (written weeks ago and the food was actually not that great...)


Was really hoping to go to Tetsuya soon but alas, no one to go with...I'm fine with eating at a cafe by myself but to go for degustation at one of the top restaurants alone is not my cup of tea..So I've given up on the idea altogether.



I've realised that the one thing that frustrates me is my lack of ability to read people when it I want to..I'm usually correct when I draw my own conclusions but sometimes my vision is completely opagued. And those are the most confusing or rather delusional moments. I try not to think about things but hey, can't help it sometimes..or maybe my piscean traits are shining through and building castles in the air. *shrugs*...Eureka! Why think so much? Just enjoy life and live for the moment..watever happens will happen, and if they don't then it's ok as well..

I really need a holiday, been demotivated at work albeit all the recognition and support. A friend asked last night if I would take off work for 2 years and travel or just bum around..My answer? Definitely not. I think my ambition far outweighs my momentary demotivation..yet I question myself on what is actually more important. Drowning in a fish bowl or spreading my wings.

Maybe I should join you guys in the spiritual enlightenment course! =p

I usually love spending time alone at home, cleaning up a little, surfing the internet and listening to music, flipping the foxtel channels for good movies or the occassional E entertainment. But recently, I haven't been able to enjoy it. Instead, I find myself dashing in and out to have a shower or heading straight to the bed, waking up and out the door to work. My surroundings appear foreign and cold to me.
It's been lonely since you left.... But it frustrates me when you tell me that you love me cos I just don't see a point in it. When I see you it makes me miss you more but then reality glooms the bright of day and I feel numb once again. At the same time, I remember why we agreed to part and those reasons have not changed. I just want to move on with my life and be happy.
I think it's about time I stopped this irresponsible behaviour. Drinking till 2-3am on weekdays is just not me. I've been living on an adrenalin rush with little sleep and lots of alcohol. I've been neglecting work and in a complete cannot be f*cked mode. Really...it's time to snap out of this.

Today is another day...another day of boredom and inefficiency. I really felt like spending money today. Had lunch, shopped a little, bought a few things (new toys..yay!!)..lost money at pk but felt really good about spending time with good friends.
My heart broke today cos a friend's dog just passed away...Why do people get so attached to pets? It's cos they give unconditional love. Unconditional love that no person could ever give...at least I don't think they can. I felt so sad when she heard the news cos deaths are surrounding us all the time. As we get older, so do our loved ones and that only implies that the cycle of life will soon come to an end.. Albeit short, we all don' t really know how to live life to the fullest.When someone cries, I give in to everything...it's strange but I'll do anything for anyone when they cry..so don't use it against me. =p
I feel so aimless at the moment.. Work is mundane..love is non-existent. But yet I feel somewhat free. Free that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want...but the thing is, do I really know what I want? I use momentary excuses to fill those empty spaces and I know that it's just to distract me but yet I want more. Why not? Live life right?

Do people actually believe what's written in blogs? Cos when I read back on what I've blabbered on about, somethings just don't make sense...it's convoluted expression. Even I take my postings with a pinch of salt. hmmm gross... just reminded myself of that tequila shot I had last night with salt and lemon...plus the many other wet pussies...
And that chilli chicken did not go down very well with all that alcohol.

Just watched butterfly effect 2 on fox..it's not that great a movie but how cool would it be if you could go back in time to change the future..I'm not sure if given a choice I actually would, but the option of turning back time to prevent your greatest mistake in life could be rather appealing to most. For me, I'd rather experience and suffer the pain..Kinda sadistic to an extent. Without pain, comes no pleasure...

Just got back from Charm's birthday. It's 4.30am right now and I think i'm a little drunk...Had a blast at karaoke and 7 and for 1 thing, at least I know that if I ever lose my job, there will be those that will hire me as their wedding singer.... haha...Omg how am I gonna wake up at 7am to go to work...=(
I'm feeling a little pissed off at the moment...kinda like in shock...but at the same time, what I heard tonight is in fact reality... Maybe my sheltered life had more faith in mankind but how can you think you know someone but really not know them at all..their values, meaning in life, actions...all seems rather fake when you put them together.
When you know something is just not right, why not just stop it? When you hear news and it literally makes you throw up in disgust, why engage in frivolous entertainment? Chew it or spit it out is the way to go I think...at the same time, do I really care? I mean, I'm at a stage where everything is "watever" to me..I'm detached..and ready to take on whatever ride that comes along.

It's raining, wet, cold and completely miserable...working from home isn't exactly ideal when all I wanna do is put on a good movie, hide under the warm blanket with a cup of tea.

My buddy just called and said she's void of human contact and warned me that she'll be engaging in verbal diarrhoea at the dinner table tonight. How bout a tip, this writing on my blog phase is kinda helping me right now so maybe you should try it. Seriously, airing dirty laundry ain't my cup of tea but sometimes it takes your mind off things. Or you can spend your time practicing han yu pin yin...

It's 12pm now, gotta head into work by 2.30 for a meeting so I'm off to have a run...I've been running for the past 4 days now, and really not having much of an appetite...this better pay off...I want my 6 packback!!!...

Is being gay really that hard?

This question really stumps me..

The legal reform in today's news has legalized de facto relationships but will continue to disallow same sex marriages. Seriously...does it matter that much?

I was at my collegue's 40'th birthday 2 weeks ago and her husband's sister is gay. She mentioned that in the past 20 years, she was working to support herself and her partner. However, just a couple of months ago, her partner left her after receiving her inheritance and now she's left with nothing. What a b*tch! Good on those reforms when it can protect the innocent to a certain extent. But at the end of the day, get off your ass and do something about it and stop wallowing in despair..OMG I've become such a heartless person.

It seems like every girl's fantasy is to grow up and have the perfect wedding. May I ask why? why is it that this seems to be a common trend? What I don't understand is why I don't have that dream? I've never had the desire to want to be married. How bizarre...

My cousin lives with her partner in Washington. They've been together for over 20 years and my cousin was Liz's first girlfriend yet they managed to stay together for so long...is anyone really straight? or gay? I've always questioned why most of my ex's who are straight would actually go out with me and it's all the same old answer.blah blah blah.. For once, I just wanna have good sex, hang out and when I ask the question of why they still engage in it, I wish I could get a different response like "cos I like the sex" or "I'm straight but u satisfy me".

I think relationships are a no go for me for a while...I just wanna have fun and not get myself too involved in anything.

It's been a year!

wow..how time has flown by so quickly..it's been over a year since the last entry and trying to remember my password to log into my blogspot account hasn't been easy.

Time to recollect and consolidate all that has happened:
- Went to Europe and had a blast
- Got promoted and life went downhill from then on
- Work work work and got over the partying phase
- Went to Singapore, KL, Thailand, Vietnam over Christmas and New Year
- 4 year relationship came to an end
- Got back into the partying scene

How is this exciting? I really have no clue...

Gotta talk about something though...the art of deception. The one thing my friends used to tell me is that my facial expressions cannot escape the way I feel. It's always been an area that I've wanted to change about myself, my intensity and propensity to react to situations straight after the occurance is bad bad bad...I think it's much better now though. I've learnt to control these extremities to the point where this whole new style and what I would call an 'art' seems to be blossoming from within.. I'm not quite sure if it's actually a good or bad thing but somehow being able to feel one way and act a different way is all new to me and I'm kinda liking it!
Does this make me more mysterious or am I losing my genuinity? hmmm not quite sure..whatever it is, this new found control is rather empowering. Or at least I'd like to think so.

It's been a while since I last blogged...I go through phases just like I'm going through a partying phase right now. Well..excessive partying for clarification. Someone said to me last night "Why haven't you blogged in ages? BLOG!!!!" So there!

I guess I was never really into the whole concept of blogging, maybe cos I find it a little too invasive and transparent. Everyone blogs for different reasons but I've yet to answer the question of why I do it. Views and convictions, feelings and emotions are my drivers for writing but posting it on the internet exposes me. What if one day I become rich and famous? =p

Last night was a pretty "wierd" night. I actually felt old. Bumped into the 2 girls I met last week and was welcomed with the biggest scream and hug anyone can possibly fathom. Can't remember their names but apparently, the writer thinks that one of them looks like an ex-gf of mine. She then screams at the top of her lungs "it's my birthday today!!! I'm 18!!!" WTF???18???? I was reading shakespeare when she popped out. I was almost graduating from uni when she was in primary school. They were like psychic vampires taking the life out of me with their young enthusiam so we walked off trying to mingle with others who were a little more like us.

That didn't really help either. Perhaps if we had a couple more shots, we would have fit right in. But being sober kinda made me feel awkward even just standing around people I hardly know.

I think it's the first sign of me getting over this partying phase. Time to go into hybernation...ok better get changed to go out now...=p

Cocky bastard

Freakin a-hole from overseas with that annoying accent and that condescending tone...u piss me off. I must admit that I am pissed off because I feel threatened but u will never know that. I will keep it to my grave. You will never hear me admit it but you will always wonder why I constantly challenge you and make you justify what you say. Only because of your attempt to step all over me and run my job...Cocky bastard who thinks that coming here and telling everyone how crap their work is will get you anywhere? You might fool some of the oldies but you will not fool everyone. And besides, you will never be able to criticise my work...I will never give you the opportunity to. You want to impress the top guns by giving suggestions? How bout the fact that your suggestions are stupid? Don't try to steal what is mine, don't think you are top shit just cos you have more years of experience. There is no need to bag others and no need to prove a point that you are good. The truth is you are good but you are dumb..dumb because you are trying too hard to prove it and the harder you try, the more bridges you will burn. Miss nice guy is not going to sit back and let you get away with it. Not anymore.

Best Friends

What makes 2 people best friends. How does one define a best friend. I think that word is just too overrated. It's just a title and it sets expectations to a point it becomes stiffling. Would one title another 'best friend' after 2 weeks? What is the minimum time frame?

As I get older I think about compatibility between friends. I think of how I will grow when I spend time with someone. I think of our values, our views on how to treat others and how to be treated.

It's not just because you've known someone for 10 years that you need to constantly be compared to how your friendship used to be. People grow up and move on and personalities change. But that term sticks like maggot to a wound. I hate being termed as Ah H's 'best friend'. I hate the association and maybe I hate it cos I don't feel the same way..that makes me feel bad.

So many things have been happening in the last couple of months. I've been shouted at, cried on, accused for no reason, given ultimatums...all from friends..what the? It's one thing to receive all that from your partner but from friends? errmmm expectations much? Seriously, just cos I want to do something that doesn't float your boat, doesn't mean I am doing it against you personally, I just want to do it! It's got nothing to do with you...Don't read into it, don't take it personally, and most of all, do not blame me. Cos I ain't gonna stand for that shit.

I think being with Q has certainly taught me to be less intense...intensity is frightening..but who am I kidding, there is obviously a reason for the lack of it. I just don't know what it is. I am happy to be going back tomorrow, to spend time with my family, to see my friends...My aim for this trip is to catch up with old friends I haven't seen for years but are still so dear to me.

One thing I want to say to the people I care about is...things may be hard at the moment, but paddle on...the seas will calm and the sun will shine and I will certainly always hold my umbrella for you..to the others who are causing grief in my life...bugger off..=p