How to ride a Motorcycle

After years of contemplating, I finally went for my motorbike L plate license on Saturday. I think I got inspired after watching the entire season of ‘The Long Way Round’ starring Ewan McGregor. The journey was amazing. 2 men, 2 bikes, 20,000 miles…They rode from London to Ukraine and Russia, then to Kazakhstan, Mongolia, Siberia, Alaska to Canada then to the USA, all in 107 days.

Anyway, back to my motorbike experience. We started the day learning the basics of safety (for like 2 whole hours). Then proceeded to stride these machines for the first time (most of them had a little bit of prior experience with bikes).

“vroom vroom” and off I went with the wind against my hair...all in first and second gear, huge ass white gloves and a hair-net for hygiene purposes. What an anti-climax…and honestly, I felt like one of those dykes on bikes (ewww… gross)

We learnt how to take corners, steer the bike, perform slow rides controlling the clutch, throttle and brakes and finally, jam braking. Everyone was getting the hang of it until one guy pulled the front brakes way too hard which made his back wheel lift off the ground in an almost 180 degree angle. Of course he flew over the bike but managed to land on his feet only to turn around and see the bike crash. What an idiot! Oh by the way, he failed his test.

My arse hurt real bad after sitting on the bike for approximately 2 hours. But all that practice made me feel quite comfortable with the machine and I thought I could pass the test. But alas, the time had arrived and all that practice amounted to nothing…absolutely nothing. As I steered my bike to the starting line, my heart started pumping faster and faster and I could not for the life of me, figure out which hand was for the clutch and which hand was for the brakes. The examiner, who happened to be a half English, half Malaysian dude, started shouting at me. The shouting would normally help the hearing impaired but considering he was standing right next to me, it just made me more nervous. “WE ARE NOW GOING TO COMMENCE THE TEST. SHOULD YOU GO BEYOND THE YELLOW LINES, FAIL TO BRAKE WITH YOUR FRONT WHEEL IN THE SQUARE, STALL THE BIKE, PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN, NOT BRAKE IN TIME, YOU WILL FAAAAILLLL….DO YOU UNDERSTAND??”

WTF? Anyway, I failed to stay within the yellow lines as I took a corner…Complete disappointment……=( Maybe I should stick to pen and paper type exams. So I didn’t go partying the night before, spent my ENTIRE Saturday, 11 hours to be specific at the school and had nothing to show for it!! Pooo!!! That really sucks….

But thou shalt not giveth up!!

Someone, please teach me how to ride a motorcycle?

“A biker's life is lived along the edge
Of savage rhythms and primeval urges”